Feeling frustrated.

This is the part of adoption that is really hard.  When you are just waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and…well you get the idea.  We have had an adoption profile up for 2 years now in hopes of adopting another child.  I have had a blog, I have told everyone I know about our desire to adopt, I have a public facebook page about our adoption, but here I am 2 yrs later, the day after renewing our home study yet again and I just feel frustrated and deflated with this whole process. 

I try to ignore my mind trying to get me to focus on the unanswerable questions like-- Why do I have to wait so long to have another child?  Why can’t I have any control in building my family?  Why doesn’t anyone choose us?  But there is no answer to those questions and so there is no point in focusing on them.  But it sure is hard not to sometimes.  Like most anything in life, no one else really knows how hard something is until they experience it themselves, and based on our different life experiences, some things are harder for some people.  All I know is that having  no control over the thing I want most, and having to wait and wait to be chosen is a hard thing for me. 

That’s all I have to say.  I don’t feel like writing anything cheery at the moment.  I know on these profiles and blogs I’m supposed to present my best self and “sell” or “market” myself.   But obviously I am not doing a good job, so here I am telling everyone, I am a real, normal, ordinary person who feels so frustrated and sad that I can’t seem to have children join my family no matter how hard I try.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go curl up in bed and finish crying my eyes out.