What we hope to teach our children

For some time I have been meaning to write about some topics that might help birth parents have a better understanding of some things are important to Rob and me.  So I decided to take a little time to do that tonight.

One thing that is important to us is teaching our children and also helping them have a good education. 

Growing up, education was always important in my home.  Both of my parents went to college, which was great, but I particularly admired my mom because she was the first person in her family to go to college.  She studied to become a teacher and she was a fabulous teacher to me as a child and to her students in her classroom.  I grew up knowing how important it was to study and to learn.  My mom read hundreds of books to me.  She would get the biggest stack from the library and read until she fell asleep.  My love for reading comes from her.  And I have a particular soft spot in my heart for children’s books.

Rob also grew up knowing the importance of an education.  His parents helped him think long term about college.  They also taught him how to work.  From a young age he spent the summers working and learning the value of hard work.  This has served him well and he credits his parents for teaching him this. 

I used to like the quote “knowledge is power” until it dawned on me that while knowing something was good, it was not enough.  Knowledge is important, but it is what a person does with that knowledge that is vital.  Application of knowledge helps a person get results and be successful and hopefully feel fulfilled.

So to sum it up, it is important to Rob and me not only that our children learn, (and we hope that they cultivate a love for learning), but that they learn how to work hard and use what they learn and love to lead a fulfilling and happy life. 

That being said, I will share another quote I like:  “A lot of parents will do anything for their kids except let them be themselves”.  Now this quote could be generalized and applied to a host of parenting topics.  In the context of what I have written about learning and work, I think it applies quite well to the idea that everyone is different, has different strengths, talents, passions, etc.  And trying to dictate to your child what career or course of study they need to take is ill advised and sets everyone up for failure.  So while we have hopes and aspirations for our children we are well aware that we can’t make them do something they refuse to do or have no interest in doing.  And that is not the kind of parents we would ever want to be.   We don’t want to force them to do or be something they don’t want to be or that they aren’t.  We want our children we to be kind, good, hard working, and successful in their chosen field, and we want to have a fulfilling and happy relationship with them.

Now Jacob is only four and the things a four year old needs to learn are different than what a 14 yr old needs to learn.  Sure there are some things that we learn and relearn throughout our lives.  But a few things we are trying to do with Jacob right now are—We take time to read to him everyday—We read him stories, and I am also working on teaching him to read.  He is doing pretty well too.  His favorite word is CAT, but he is getting more confident with a lot of other words as well. 

We also hope Jacob learns Spanish, so we try to speak a little bit everyday as well.  His favorite phrase is “es mio”  (it’s mine) we take turns trying to grab or pull a toy from one another.   It’s a fun game we play. 

Another thing we want our children to learn is how to reach out and serve others.  Over a year ago I started going with Jacob to deliver food to the elderly through Meals on Wheels.  We usually just go once a month and at first it was a challenge with him just because he was smaller and it was a large apt complex we were navigating with food, etc.  But as time has gone on, I have seen how much he loves it and I really look forward to it as well.  The people are so sweet and they love seeing Jacob.  I am so glad we took a tiny bit of time out of our month to help in this small way.  And Rob and I hope we can cultivate a love for others in the hearts of Jacob and the other children we have. 

I’ll share a funny story about Jacob to finish up.  Rob caught a bad cough/cold during Christmas vacation and one morning after Jacob woke up he asked how Daddy was doing.  I said, let’s go check on him.  So we did.  Jacob walked into our room and Rob was lying on the bed, and Jacob asked him, “How are you doing Daddy?”

Rob responded, “I’m okay, thanks for coming by to say hi” (or something like that). 

Then Jacob and I walked out of the room so Rob could continue to rest.  As we were walking down the hallway, Jacob stopped and asked me, “Mom, why am I learning to be a parent?” 

I laughed and said something to the effect that everyday we are learning and that someday he would be a parent and so that is why we try to teach him how to be good and kind. 

And so I guess that’s what I am doing.  Someday--and everyone always tells me it will happen before I know it—which someday sounds nice, but most days I just want him to stay four and fun forever).  But yes someday he will grow up and leave the nest and Rob and I will hope we have given him the tools he needs to succeed.

 

I am always looking for ways to make learning fun.  Jacob enjoyed using these stamps to make words and practice his letters.

Thankful Heart

November is National Adoption Month.  I think that is fitting because November is the month where we take extra time to remember our blessings and the things we are grateful for. 

Rob and I are so thankful for adoption.  We are grateful to Jacob’s birth parents for choosing us to be his parents.  Just knowing how much they love him and how they have placed him in my care helps us be better parents.  

I am so thankful they gave me the opportunity and blessing to be a mother.  The same is true for Rob in becoming a father.  Being a mother and having a family is one of my blessings that I am most thankful for.  My heart is always filled with love and gratitude when I think of Jacob’s birth parents.  And I am grateful for the opportunity to remember and recognize them formally for National Adoption Month.  Thank you for forever blessing our lives!

"When I count my blessings, I count you twice"  Irish Proverb

Jacob drew this picture of him and his birth parents.  (he is a baby in the belly on the right)

Jacob drew this picture of me on the wall this week. 

We are so thankful for our little big kid Jacob.  We have been blessed beyond measure.

My lovely life

Hello there.  I have been kind of MIA on social media of late.  But as I was loading these pictures (from August through October), I wanted to share them.  I am kind of bad about loading pictures on my computer and usually do them in a big batch.  It was so fun seeing these pictures and remember the fun times we've had.  

Jacob had a birthday.  He is 4 now.  Life had been a little busy and so we weren't planning on having a party w/ friends for him, but I knew he was kind of expecting one.  So one night just a week or two before his b-day we told him that we were going to celebrate his birthday just the three of us and we would have a lot of fun.  I then casually asked him, "how does that sound?"  Without missing a beat he said, "not good."  LOL  oh that boy, he makes me laugh.  Well, so not wanting to destroy his b-day dreams we had a small party with some of his friends at a local park.  We were glad that many of his friends could join him in celebrating his day and helping him feel special. 

Jacob is so big now and can do so many things.  He is so fun and I love him so much.  A couple of months ago he learned to ride a two wheeled bike.  

 Jacob had his first season of t-ball.  It was so much fun to watch.  I don't know who had more fun--me or him.  I loved watching Jacob run around, dig in the dirt, learn to climb a fence, make snow angels in the dirt, toss his helmet, you name it he did it.  It was great.

I will include captions for some photos...

 We did a number game--as you can see it was quite a hodge podge of items.  It was lots of fun.  And Jacob no longer skips numbers 7 and 8!  Success!

 For about a week straight Jacob wore this Mexican hat most everywhere.  It was hilarious.  I love when he gets into the music and also I love how he was using a plastic snake to carry his bucket and slipped his sword into his shirt. 

 My big kid ready for the 1st day of school. Preschool is going great.  He loves it! His teachers are great.

Jacob had so much fun with his grandparents. 

Ready to play ball!

Birthday time!

We didn't have a chance to open presents at the party and it was late when we got home, so we were going to open them the next morning.  Well, Jacob had opened them all before we woke up.  It was pretty funny.

Resting in his spiderweb.

Having fun at the pumpkin patch.  The weather was great and it was so fun to spend time there as a family. 

Ready for some kung fu with Kung Fu Panda

Hello

Hello there,

Yes, we still have a blog.  As you can see I need to dust it off.  With a busy toddler, it doesn't get too much attention.  I am much better at posting a quick picture on FB or instagram.  I have a few posts that I start, but then never get around to finishing b/c my time and attention is needed elsewhere.  

But we are doing well, having fun, and keeping busy.

The weather was nice today so in the afternoon we rode bikes up and down the culdesac.  I am so glad we got Jacob a balance/glider bike.  He is a pro on it.  We "race" down the street.  He says, let's race, and then says, "Mark, set, nine go!"  But leaves when he says "set" so he can get a head start.  He goes on his bike and I go on my scooter and halfway down as I start to pass him he shouts, "I win!"

Don't try to correct him by telling him to say, "I won!"  b/c he will then think you are saying that you won, and you didn't  :)

Since we are talking about funny things he says, I love how instead of saying, "never mind", he will say, "never my mind".  Rob will try to correct him to no avail.  But I like how he says it, so I let it be and just laugh.  And later tonight Rob started saying "never my mind", so Jacob was happy to hear Rob was finally learning how to say it correctly.  :)

Like I said, the weather was nice and we rode bike/scooters.  But unfortunately, Jacob came across a few fire ants while we were out--and they bit him pretty bad so he was hurting, but we raced home as fast as we could and I tried a home remedy trick I had learned (putting bleach on the bite as quickly as possible), and he hasn't complained of the bites since.  And fire ant bits hurt and burn, so I was glad that worked.  (of course, clean the bleach off the skin afterwards.  I looked up once about this home remedy last summer after hearing about it, and also tried it when he fell in a huge pile of ants and got bit all over.  He didn't complain even once about the 10+ bites he got after treating them this way). 

I know I have a bunch of pics and video of him riding his bike, but of course I can't find any at the moment.  Guess I will just have to take more the next time we go out!  But here he is "fixing" his bike.  :)

Later that evening we saw a lizard on the side of the house, and Jacob was pretty excited about that.  When I asked what we should name him, he said, "billy body".  That is his silly word for everything.

He has also been into saying peanut butter before every word, ie: peanu tbutter hat, peanut butter belly, etc.  there is no end to words you can say with peanut butter in front of, and it is silly and hilarious every time :) 

So there you go, a little home remedy for fire ants and some silly words to keep you smiling courtesy of Jacob. 

The drive home

Jacob and I had a fun day at a museum downtown and on our way home we had a fun conversation.  We talked about cousins and family and being a daddy.  (I just use the first letters of the names of his cousins.)   

J (Jacob): Is B my cousin? 

Me: Yes

J: And C and K?

Me: Yes

J: Are they my friends?

Me: Y

A minute passes

J: Can we talk about my cousins again?  Who are my cousins?

Me: I list off all of his cousins: B, C, K, B, T, M, K,C,

J: Who is C?

Me: He is your cousin.

J: Where does he live?

Me: California

J: Oh

Me: You have a few more cousins, N, & I.

He repeats their names

Me: You also have a cousin E

J: E is my cousin

Me: Yes, and L

J: L? is Carolyn my cousin (his friend Carolyn has a brother with the same name as his cousin)

Me: No, that is your friend and neighbor, you have a cousin L who lives in California

J: Oh, is that Henry’s L? 

Me: No,that is a different L. 

J: Oh, cousin L is a different L?

Me: Yes. 

J: Oh.

Me: And you have a cousin T

J: Are my cousins my friends?

Me: Yes, And A is your cousin

J: Oh, A is my cousin. Is S (A’s mom) my cousin?

Me: No, she is your aunt

J: Is she my friend?

Me: Yes

J: Is Grandma my cousin?

Me: No, Grandma is your grandma

J: Is she my friend?

Me: Yes, your Grandma is your friend

J: Is my Grandpa my friend?

Me: Yes

J: Is my great grandpa my friend?

Me: Yes.

J: He’s a good guy

I laugh.  Me: Yes he is.

J: Can we talk about my cousins again?

Me: Sure, why not. 

And on it goes. He lists their names, stops when one is similar to a friend of his and figures out if it is his cousin or not.  Talks about where each one of them lives, etc.  If only I could capture his cute little voice rattling all of it off.  It is just awesome.

Next little conversation:

J: Are we going home?
Me: Yes.

J: When I get home I will be a daddy

Me: Ok, what will you do as a daddy?

J: I will get married. 

Me: Then what will you do?

J: I will work and hmmm I will go to a meeting. I will go to a class and exercise. I will cook food. I will buy food. I will be a daddy

Me:I just smile and laugh

I loved talking with Jacob on our drive home today.  He makes me laugh.  I love seeing the world and life through his eyes.  It is so simple to him.  Cousins are friends and friends are friends.  And Jacob wants to be a daddy.  I have no words of wisdom to add to what Jacob said.  All I can do is smile.  Jacob is a special boy and brings so much happiness to my life.

 Jacob at the museum.  I also love the massive pile of coats behind him.  There were lots of school groups with us on this cold day.  Hope nobody lost their coat :)

Special moments with a future big brother

I absolutely love it when our son Jacob talks about adoption.  I don’t know what it is about it, but when he mentions adoption, it just touches a special part in my heart and I am so happy that it is a part of his life and everyday vocabulary.

Yes, I know it’s been ages since Christmas but I still want to share this sweet story from Christmas.  We had a secret elf who every evening would ring our doorbell and leave a small piece of a nativity set.  It was so fun, and Jacob loved seeing what new nativity character we got.  And I must add, our elf was so sneaky—we couldn’t catch him/her—and we tried.  :)  Anyhow, on Christmas eve, Jacob had already gone to bed by the time we discovered that our sneaky elf had left us our last piece of the nativity set, so on Christmas day after he had opened his presents we told him that the “elf” had brought him one more piece to the nativity.  He got so excited and as he unwrapped it, he discovered it was the baby Jesus.  He looked at it and said, “it’s another Jesus” (b/c of course we had our own nativity set and he had been surrounding our baby Jesus with all of the new pieces of this other nativity set he had been getting, and so apparently he hadn’t realized that every nativity set comes with one).  I replied, that “yes, it was another baby Jesus”, and he said, “Oh, He’s adopted!” and then wedged that new baby Jesus in with the other one for the rest of the members of the nativity set to look at and admire.  It was so sweet.  And my description here really doesn’t do it justice, but I just loved hearing him think out loud as to why there would be two baby Jesus’ in our home—of course it would be because we had adopted another one. 

Another fun moment we had was about a week ago.  Jacob had woken up from a nap and I met him at his door as he was coming out of his room.  He turned and walked backwards to sit in my lap (I just love how he does that) and as he sat in my lap we were facing his room and looking at it through the open doorway.  I asked him “how was your sleep?”  He said, “good”.   And then I mentioned how he was getting pretty big and soon would need a new bed (he still uses his crib—with just the front taken off so he can get in and out, so it is essentially a toddler bed), and then I told him that when we adopted another baby he would get to give his bed to the baby.  He wasn’t ready to give up his bed :)  Stating the “baby was not quite big enough for it”.   But he got so excited thinking the baby would be sleeping with him in his room and right next to his bed.   He got up and showed me where the baby would sleep—maybe right by his bed, or maybe where his rocking chair was, so we needed to move it to make room.  He also chatted on and on about how he would show the baby where the bathroom was and help it go potty in the night, and how he would be so nice to the baby and help out.  It was sweet to catch a glimpse of how magical and fun it will be for him to have a sister or brother and how excited he is for that to happen. 

And then today, out of the blue he was running around the house saying, “I’m going to be a brother!”  It was awesome.  Just like Jacob, I can hardly wait to have another little one in the house.  It will be great to see Jacob running around so happy and excited to be a brother.  I know he will be such a great brother and he and his siblings will have a great time together and have a rich and lasting relationship.   

What is an open adoption?

-->

This blog has been neglected lately, but I have a 3 yr old who is constantly vying for my attention.  

I thought today I would write about a question I am often asked.  I am often asked if we have an “open” adoption, and when I respond, “yes”, it is often followed up by questions about what an “open” adoption is.  The term “open adoption” is a broad term and different for each family.

Prior to adopting Jacob we attended an adoption conference through our agency.  At the conference there were several birth mothers who shared their experiences and answered questions.  Every one of them had “open” adoptions, but the level of openness was different for each one of them.  Some only exchanged pictures, some of them visited once a year, some more often.  It helped us understand the importance of not committing to a level of openness that we were not willing or comfortable committing to.  .

The birthmothers shared how the thing they feared the most was that the level of openness that had decided upon would not be honored after the adoption was finalized.  Most everyone has this concern and understandably, nobody wants it to happen to them.  This was a concern for Jacob’s birth parents as well.  No one enforces your relationship with one another after placement; it is between you and your child's birthparents.  The tricky thing about adoption is that it wasn’t until after papers were signed and our son was placed with us, would we have the opportunity to prove ourselves and show that we would keep our promise.  Our son's birthparents had to trust us at our word, which is a hard and scary thing to do.  We are thankful they did trust us and I am grateful to have an open adoption with them.  They are great people and respectful towards us, and this helps us maintain the good relationship we have with them. 

So you may be asking, what is our “open” adoption like?  We generally exchange pictures around the holidays or birthdays.   But I also send them when he is doing something fun I think they might like—like playing ball or his first day of school, etc.  We have been able to visit in person with both his birth mother and birth father every year, and that has been fun.  Jacob loves seeing them and loves all the attention he gets from each of them. 

We knew that the first little bit after the adoption would probably be difficult for his birth mother, so we sent messages and pictures more often--even daily for the first week or so, and we told her if she was having a hard day and just wanted to see a picture of Jacob to contact us and we would send her one, etc.   I think she appreciated that and I enjoyed sending her pictures and messages about Jacob. 

The key to having an open adoption is respect and good communication from all parties involved.  And each adoption and situation is different, but we have been happy with our experience in an “open” adoption.

You know I love to talk about Jacob, so I will share a quick story that made my heart smile the other day.  We were having family pictures taken by a girl we know, and as we were driving her home, she asked us if Jacob’s adoption was open  (she was curious, since she was adopted).  We told her that yes we did, and said we had recently visited with his birth mother and birth father.  I then turned to Jacob and asked him if he remembered seeing them.  He said yes and then I asked if he could tell her their names.  He then said, “____ is my birth mother, and _____ is my birth father.  He was smiling and so happy when he mentioned their names, and I was too.  I am glad he knows them and loves them, and that he has felt of their love for him as well.